How anger can destroy a home


But what if he was the heart of my home??

I hope someone finds a way to eliminate the extra stress put on the survivor who loses a spouse. 
Shouldn't the loss be greater than the hell that the government and VA puts us through?  

I swear .. they want to make you angry at the one you lost. Then maybe you will lose focus? 
You might forget the hidden messages between the lines? 
They want you lost in the fog of grief. Never giving answers yet always asking questions.

Then the internal battle takes over. The need to move on vs the need to fight for what you promised.

Battling promises of "I'm tired and don't want to fight this fight .. to ... you promised to fight for me." 

Sleepless battles!!!!

He was the kindest, most intelligent and compassionate man I have ever known in my life. He accepted me with open arms. He was honest, respectful, and accepted that I was broken .. and it was okay. 

He did not try to fix me .. he did not hold it against me .. he did not use it for his own benefits.  He was my best friend and life partner. He was my reason for living.

Yet life had scarred him. Some wounds so deep you could not box them up in your mind. He hid them well .. but sleep tells your secrets. 

I gave him love, respect, acceptance, kindness, honesty and compassion. 

I gave him my life .. was it enough?

He was strength when I had lost mine. He was the light (House) that guided me home to safety ..

When I hurt so bad I forgot where I was.. He was the light (House) that guided me home to safety ..

When day to day work kicked me over and over, he listened and showed his light and warmth and wrapped me in his strength.

When I doubted myself, he believed in me .. who I was .. what I was trying to build .. who I wanted to be .. how I would like to be remembered.. my inner soul.

He was strength and safety. I knew I would always be safe with him.

He was every breath .. every heartbeat. My first thought each morning and my last thought each night.

He was home ..

     I miss him...

             I miss home.





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